Relationship: An Overview of its Intricacies

                                          Photograph by author

"Relation" and "Relationship" have become frequent nowadays. In routine conversation, on social media platforms, in TV soap operas and serials which keep going on ad nauseam, the word is seen occupying the central stage. It appears as if they are under siege. It has become vogue to talk about it. Are relations so amorphous and fragile that they cannot sustain minor dents and scratches? In the present era, it appears so. 

A relationship is more of an unnatural bond than organic and original. Objectively speaking, everything in the universe is related to each other. The things and happenings are also related and they are relatively true or false. Any object is big because we have something small. It gives a sense of comparison, enable us to scale the magnitude of velocity, volume, temperature or any physical measurement. What is a relationship in an abstract term, what is its role in our lives and why it is important are but a few points to ponder. When I use the term 'abstract', I mean to apply it to human behaviour in totality; how we interact with each other and in what way. 

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Human beings are the outcome of a long - very long process of experimentation, trial and error of Mother Nature. She has 'selected' human beings by the process of Natural Selection - eliminating unfit and choosing the most suitable ones to survive in the changed/changing world. Homo sapiens, the most advanced creature in the animate world, can use the large and highly complex brain to think, apply logic and reach a conclusive decision. It distinguishes him from other less evolved creatures that he arrogantly calls 'Animals'. The edge gives, besides reasoning, emotions and a sense of attachment. We tend to get attached to what or whom we love - our physical belongings, our pets and our loved ones. 

It is the point when humans start developing a relationship. It is omphalos to and connected with the thought process of the individual. It all initiates from parental care that we show towards our progenies. We love them because they are our own. The bond is natural since they are our biological outcome. Parental care, altruistic but instinctive behaviour, is not new in the animal kingdom. It is at its peak in birds and viviparous mammals. They feed and take care of their little ones, protect them from enemies, train them about the harshness of their surroundings and teach them the lessons of life. After a certain period, parents leave their progenies to live a life of their own. Parental care is seen in other less evolved animal groups as well. The crocodiles and alligators also show such behaviour, not in full measure, though. The duty ends after the mother, digging out hatchlings from the burrowed nest, safely releases them into the water. The hatchlings, thereafter, have to fight their own battle of survival. The bond of relationship is thus feeble and limited. It shows that thought and emotion play important role in establishing a filial bond, we know as the relationship. 

Coming back to human thoughts, emotion and relationship we see that bonding is at its pinnacle. Due to strong emotion, the parents feel a natural attachment and love towards their progenies so much so that a feeling of ownership stealthily creeps in. Some parents start treating their children as their property. It is not limited to the children, but sometimes it is seen that such people, unconsciously though, try to chain and asphyxiate their relationship as well. It brings us to an inference that the relationship is not only an emotional bonding but bartering too. 

Our primogenitors have rightly preached that we are a complex mix of five elements - Space, Water, Air, Fire and Terra Firma. Our body is a highly complicated machine that runs on the fundamentals of biochemical reactions. In that sense, which is true too, all living world is consubstantial to nature. Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen and Nitrogen are the building blocks of living organisms. The stability of an element depends upon the movement and sharing of electrons. An integral part of the atom, electrons are the determiner of its properties too. At the micro-level, the thought process is crucial in relation-building that again is a mix of a complex biochemical reaction. The electron-transfer or sharing of electrons establishes a bond, the strength of which depends upon the process of its sharing. The bond would be feeble if the electron is donated; if shared, a strong bond - difficult to break - develops.  

The relationship in human life is analogous to this process. It is an exchange of feelings. It can never be unilateral. A relationship is strong and long-lasting when partners do not vie but have mutual respect towards their feelings, putting aside their ego. It works well when mutual trust is bigger than suspicion. People with strong emotion or dominating nature find it impossible to adjust. In such a case rift is the natural fallout. Frequent acrimonious verbal duets lead to a caducous relationship. Accommodating, caring and patient individuals successfully wade through the deluge of difficult times. A relationship is demanding; it needs to be nurtured. Unilateral adjustment to haul the train, however, is nothing but a compromise and surrender before the situation. It is futile. The crux, therefore, is mutual. 

Apart from the primary relationship, an individual enters into other types of relationships as well. It is established on the work front. Outside the family cocoon, an individual is vulnerable and prone to various attacks but such shock waves do not harm the individual much because of the thinking that they are outsiders. This, however, passively affects and manifests itself in an individual’s behaviour when in one’s comfort zone. 

It might seem like a melodramatic ode trying to glorify the bond of relationship. The reality is a bit harsh. It would be unwise and irrational to advocate a platonic relationship. A relationship, in general, is a term used to describe the interaction of individuals in a society. Needless to repeat that humans are social. To fulfil and buttress their physical, financial and emotional needs they need to interact and establish a relationship. Primarily, we need such an ecosystem wherein every member could get care, compassion, love, affection and protection. Family is the unit of society that provides social security, love and support to every member. A family which is a close-knit, well-bonded heterogeneous group of individuals needs to have social recognition. The prerequisite is a socially recognized system of marriage which is the launchpad of relationship. Two individuals, after solemnization, enter a new phase of their life. It is rosy, lovely, vibrant and romantic. With time stagnation starts to creep in. The relationship starts getting monotonous and stale; minor things gradually become important - avoidables become unavoidables. Recurrent obstreperous occasions lead to incessant commotion. Demeaning, abusing and scathing each other become frequent leading to frustration, dejection, anger and dissatisfaction. 

The relationship is important for every member of society. Difficulties are intrinsic to the life process. Life is a roller coaster journey that thrills and frightens but simultaneously gives satisfaction, gravity and deep love. Making a hill out of a molehill only aggravates the situation. Ego is an individual possession that may be good or bad as per the quantity. Self-respect is of paramount importance but when inflated, ego crosses the way differently and start gnawing the bonds, it becomes worth shredding.   

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Ram-Rajya : Harmonious Social System or Utopia

While sitting ideally, enjoying the crisp and quiet morning, my mind took me back in time. I started wandering in my past, which happened not to be so romantic though. I think it is not only me who often saunters in the past and long to relive it, but many more might also be in this league. More often than not, my mind uses to take me on a trip to my past and make me nostalgic. 

An individual human life moves on linearly, without an option for rewind. I have chosen human life to put forth further my thoughts because of two reasons. One that we are humans and second that we can feel and express our emotions well because of our large cranial capacity, highly developed brain amalgamated with the power of reasoning. 

The journey, which starts from the time of our birth, is bound to culminate. It will. The gush of thoughts whizzes past the mind exhibiting a series of related pictures in the form of a movie. Revisiting the past is like visiting an unfrequented and sometimes haunted place. People avoid going haunted places because of the imaginary demonic presence. However, quite often in huff and puff of their current situation, people seldom find time to visit the past. With time, it accumulates dust and gives the feeling of a haunted place. The rustling wind sweeps the fallen leaves - an organ happened to be an essential part of the plant. The old, dead leaves must be shred to give way to the new ones. Fallen leaves on the ground are like the past which has become redundant now. Carried by the wind, they sway away and gradually decay to become part of the soil. 

Besides an individual human life, life as a whole is a cyclical process. One who has come has to go. Scientifically speaking, toggling between animate and inanimate object, a living organism dies and decomposes in microform chemicals after completing its life. What is now animate becomes inanimate in a moment. Cytoplasm, which never perishes, is like a thread in a garland; acts as a bond for future generations. It passes on to further generations through the parent. Replacing the ones who die and mingle with the five elements to take another, a new generation takes their place. It is a journey wherein we meet people, exchange goodies, converse and travel together. At the end deboard at the respective stations. The sojourn keeps ongoing ad nauseam; people who had been with us, occasionally come to our thought and take us back in those moments. 

Birth and death are uncontrollable, albeit the intermediate period between two (which is called life) gives time to do the work of choice. Life should be luxurious with sensual pleasure, ascetic or perfect blend of both is a matter of individual selection. Whereas the former is an easy and comfortable way of life, the latter is a bit difficult; most of the easy-go-round people among us, therefore, choose a blend of both. An honest effort amalgamated with impetuous work is the primary requirement to achieve the selected way of life. The deeds of present decide the future. Harbingering future is deceiving. 

The longing for more compels people to start a run for money and material, the possession of which though gives sensual pleasure but fails to soothe the mind. The requirement then turns to lust, feeling of being left out and losing the ground leads to desperation. Lust for position, power and money causes the race to become more stringent but mendaciously competitive. Narcissistic I’m-the-habitual-winner approach becomes prominent. The desire to win at any cost gives leverage to a person who sins snatching the legitimate rights of genuine. The competitiveness is healthy only when it is in a sporting spirit, but turns into entirely sinister jealousy when perverted. The gaining currency of it is leading to frustration and dejection. 

In an emotional fit, finding no solution to their problem, people feel caged and pushed towards the wall. Compellingly they take an altogether different path, harmful to them and society. They tend to become dreaded criminal, drug addict or if gullible take to suicide. The alarmingly spiralling number of psycho patients, especially teenagers, ought to be a cause of concern. It is perverting creative youths to dead lots. A healthy society cannot tolerate such nuisances. 

The recent incidence of alleged murder (or suicide) of a Bollywood actor has raised furore and agitated many such questions. The Bollywood world which was known for its glitter, excessive money and public attention is in controversy nowadays. Nexus of power, money, drugs and debauchery is seriously ailing it. Those who work in the entertainment industry, especially newcomers feel cheated, suffocated and boxed for they seemingly do not get a chance to show their talent. The feeling, assigned to nepotism, frustrates the considered interlopers who allegedly get step-motherly treatment by the native ‘Movie-Mughals’.   

Bollywood has long been a powerful magnet. It attracts thousands of budding or aspiring artists from relatively less developed areas of the country. The clueless youths come to join Bollywood in search of glamour, but after the persistent belligerence and failure, give up and consequently perish in oblivion. Recently, a new feather has been added in the cap of already getting perverted Bollywood world, the nuisance of deep-rooted drug addiction. The insiders of the industry themselves are alleging rampant drug use. Once glittering, the Bollywood is becoming an ugly and disgusting cesspool. 

Numerous people, especially youth, fanatically follow Bollywood artists to the extent that they start treating them akin to a god. It is, therefore, incumbent upon Bollywood actors to follow a strict social norm; avoid turpitude and drugs et cetera. As has been said above, choosing the way of life should be personal. While in the public glare, extreme caution must be observed to carry on such a lifestyle. Self-cleansing mechanism, however, is inherent to an organic society. It mends the intolerable misdeeds of a few by buycotting those who used to wash their linen in public.

The current century is zooming and aggressive so far as information-flow is concerned. Increasingly advance information technology has reached to new heights where getting and retrieving the information has become super-fast. Whatever happens flashes and reach the majority of curious minds and affects them. The purity and sanctity of the institutions, celebrities and the public are necessary. It may sound utopian. Absolute purity is not possible in an organic society. Even the purest form of gold is unfit for jewellery-designing. A blend of good and evil, dark and bright, gentle and wicked is, therefore, the best way to have a decent society. A balanced and harmonious society with the least ailments would then be an ideal ‘Ram-Rajya’.